Hello. I"m the product of monsters. That's why *I* wanna die.
Ogrefied sadistic life-hating child-hating monsters. They twisted me
into an abnormal wretched miserable ugly human being. I see people
everywhere who I would have rather had as parents. ANYONE would have
been better except for the John Wayne Gacy-type parents that made
their children into killers. If there's any lurkers here who are
sniffing around trying to see what your children are up to, heed this
warning. If you're sucky enough parents for the kid to want to kill
themselves then that kid is probably better off dead then struggling
with the abuse you scarred them with for the rest of their lives.
Because the effects NEVER go away. I can't tell you how many years I
have tried. Of course, it doesn't help that it took till 15 years
after my first breakdown for my parents to pay for any therapy, which
I couldn't because I am too physically scarred to work. That's right.
The parental abuse was so bad it physically scarred me. It literally
changed my metabolism and my hormones around so that I have several
physical signs and problems.that advertise the fact that I came from
ASSHOLES for parents. And do I sound normal? Do I sound like I have
anything worse saving? Well there you go. Bad parents take away even
the means for articulating what exactly it is that they did to the
victim in question, the child. Bad parents take away all your value
and talent and even your brains---Post-traumatic stress disorder
DESTROYS brain cells.

Only love can help us through this life. And parents who don't give a
child that have done something worse than saw off and arm or a leg.
Parents who feed a child on HATE and stupidity and ignorance should be
punished. But I grew up in a family that said don't ever ever tell.

I am looking for a way to go. I think that if I take an overdose on
the beach of Ativan with a couple or three slugs of Johnnie Walker and
then take an innertube or maybe not, and just swim towards the sunset
out in the very middle of the beautiful sea-green water and let go of
the floatation device I will falter and slowly sink as I pass out.

sounds like a nice way to go out, drifting off into the sunset, my
parents only stayed together because i was born, an accident if you
will, its a shame because my dad was a real asshole and he treated my
mum like shit pretty much their entire life, i dont know how many
beatings she recieved from him but i had my fair share too, lets just
say he was a major asshole and if it wasnt for me being born she would
of ended up with a guy she wanted to spend the rest of her life with,
i dont know why she didnt just leave, guess its just that old european
culture, wish she did, even though she loves me i know sometimes she
wishes what things would of been like if i wasnt born. Sucks just
thinking about it.

i hope things work out for you one way or another, later

he was a major asshole and if it wasnt for me being born she would
> of ended up with a guy she wanted to spend the rest of her life with,
> i dont know why she didnt just leave, guess its just that old european
> culture

My father was born in Europe and he was an old sexist European pig
over 20 years older than my mother--he wouldn't even tell his real age
and girl children did what they were told or else, lorded over by fear
even so far as don't you even cry any tears when you're in pain from
being treated with extreme cruelty it was like fucking Abu Gharib
So unlike any American families that I know so no
one none of my friends really understand
I did not grow up like an American my parents were in some kind of
dark age when children were treated as slaves to just work for them
which wouldn't have been bad if it wasn't for the hatred

This is all to say
I sympathize with you deeply